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aranumenwen [userpic]

(no subject)

October 26th, 2011 (03:01 am)

If you're looking for me, which I don't really know why you would be...you can be creep and stalk me over here.....

http://retinaldisparity.blogspot.com/


It's mah blog if you didn't already click on it, which you should do now...like now...RIGHT NOW.

aranumenwen [userpic]

who wouldve thought...

October 9th, 2011 (04:57 pm)

check it out people, im doing shit from my phone. hence the complete lack of punctuation and im sure my spelling will be completely terrible but really who gives a shit.

prettu much im just in a bad mood and i need something to distract me from whats going on around me. essentially it just bullshit, and i really shouldnt care, but hormone logic is getting the best of me but who cares, oh wait i do, oh well all in all argh.

soon oh so very soon my son gets dropped off and im not even home yet so wtf. but on a different note, i have to see
my ex husband for the first time in like a year and a half, thatll be interesting, i gotta admit im kinda nervous. i, not expecting anything at all really. just awkwardness, but hey. atleast theres that.

i should be getting my ass moving here like right now, until later...laters


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

aranumenwen [userpic]

Egads

September 29th, 2011 (04:08 pm)

I think. I think. I think. I'm sick...again.  Terrible, the warmest day all week and I'm all chilly and sore. 

Finished a fancy new shirt today...


And Tuesday was pretty awesome as well...




oh yeah fun times.

Also i quit my job. well tried to anyway, I think, but am uncertain, that I was begged to stay.  Its somewhat complicated and childish, so I'm not going to get into it.

But as far as what I learned this last week.  Some people really are as dumb as they seem. I lack decent confrontation skills.  There is a reason "you're not pregnant in the face" was introduced.  Robitussin is amazing.  And the time has come to take action.

My new photoshop brushes are done being downloaded, I've got some stuff to do now, so this is the end.

aranumenwen [userpic]

Writer's Block: Internet addictions

September 29th, 2011 (12:59 am)

Cut out and keep 

Besides LJ, what websites are you always surfing?

It feeds my sad sad crafting addictions.

aranumenwen [userpic]

Sha baaaaammmmarghmafuckface...dur

September 19th, 2011 (12:35 am)
current location: dining room table.
current song: I wish I had thought of putting some on.

I kinda feel like there are tiny ants crawling around inside my hoodie at the moment, there very well could be...could be stray thread (knowing me, I'm not suprised) 

Or its the very sad and onely afternoon taking its toll on me.  This my friends is how I feel the onsets of depression. Bugs, really?...REALLY? I'm amazingly frustrated with my position in life, theres little I can do about it, and its wearing on me. 

Aside from all that I'm making some new gauges in a little bit, well they're already made they just need to be baked, the delay, only because I'm debating mixing up some cake batter while I'm at it. I. Just. Don't. Know.  Sounds delicious, but I'm sooo lazy tonight.  

I think its time to change my hair again.  Problem is, I think I'm quitting my job this up coming pay period or putting in my two week notice...maybe, I'm still undecided on the matter. So I'll lack the funding. The job itself is a waste of time, but its all I have.  Soul crushing out look if you ask my. Question is whats more important, my soul, or my hair?

Also, I heard something interesting. The new internet explorer doesn't support flash. Wow. Seems kinda silly to me.

I'm Oh so VERY thirsty....

I had full intentions of posting some pictures and making this post interesting, but, I've lost the motivation and I don't feel it will be returning. And that the sign to cut it off right about now. Oh wait hold on...

I kinda wish I had drawn a face on this one now...oh well, i've done quite alot of these little clothing designs I'll post some more later.

Good news though. Its definately not real ants in my coat, nor string....it is all in my head...man I could use a beer. 


aranumenwen [userpic]

While you were gone.

September 13th, 2011 (10:13 pm)
discontent

current location: couch
current mood: discontent

Dear O me o my. This right here is the face of boredom.  I lack motivation.

Half monster rehab and half mountain dew, make a super awesome delicious drink...its great. Really. Makes one very terrible colour. 

I had an interesting four hour conversation with devin last night. Extra weird because we barely even talk that long at once when we are with each other for an entire day. 

I've been increasingly worried about the stability and outlook of our relationship, He's distant and depressed a great deal of the time and it tends to take a toll on me.  I rarely feel hes there for me, ever, whenever I need him he decides that he needs time to himself and will start a 3 or 4 day period of radio silence.  I end up with this feeling of loneliness that I can't shake, We can spend an entire week together at times and by the end of every day I  have this feeling like I'd just spend the day alone staring at the walls.  Other days are great and we get along great we laugh we talk we snuggle its a good time.  Some weeks are better than others.  And I feel alot of it has to do with his bipolar-ness.  But it definately takes a toll on me.  In some of the worst ways. I feel like giving up, Theres no way that I can deal with all this for the rest of my life and whats the point of keeping this all going when it can't last.  It seems as though I'm wasting my time, talking to a brick wall most of the time.  I adore him, don't get me wrong he's an amazing man. And now during this whole conversation yesterday, he tells me he loves me and that he wants to move out of state with me (complicated because of my divorce and son) but that he got huge ideas for the future.  His dream: to put a town on the map.  Sounds great and then he tells me that he wants to do this partially because he wants to be great for me, and for damien.  Its all great and awesome and all that stuff. But the price of this is untold. And he assures me that if he's got something go for himself his demeanor will chanage. Obviously I can't believe that, I've heard it all before. Not from him, but from my ex, possibly exes, I'm not sure if not something quite similiar.  And who knows he could be right.  And now, theres an excuse for his current attitude.  He claims that it becuase he had toomuch time on his hands since he was fired, hes become too lazy living off enemployment and it's in turn changing his personality into something he doesn't like.  He asked me if he had been able to keep his job at the gas station or if he had gotten another job straight away or gone to school right afterwards if things would have been different. .  He admited that he feels that our problem are his fault.   I told him no, that its probably both of us, I'm not always the easiest person to deal with.  He said he wants to spend the rest of our lives together...sounds like fun. But by now I know better.

Oh well sounds great now, but I won't hold my breath.  And well have to see how well these notions stick later this week.  Or once he's had soem good sleep and sobered up atleast.  He's no alcoholic, but there are others chemicals at work.    

Damie drew this picture at school I'm super proud of him.
 
It's spiderman...with his suit on, and that big black spot is the simbiote (sp?) going to get him.

Its tits.

aranumenwen [userpic]

Work Sucks

September 9th, 2011 (04:01 pm)
chipper

current mood: chipper
current song: Airborne toxic Event

I'm going to learn to do things really well when I'm angry, so that I can have mad skills. When I improve on them I can have mad, mad skills.

How does hitler like to tie his shoes? With nazis.

You know that smell that your skin gets when you leave a band-aid on for too long, similiar to that of gauged ears? Do hospital rooms smell the same, like ICU and the burn ward and things like that.  I'd imagine they would, and for that reason I avoid them, both as a patient and a visitor.

I lied about not being able to make anything. I got all messed up last night and decided it was time to make something and suffer through it.

First attempt, skirt: Epic Fail.

Second attempt: Empire waist adorable dress.  Success, well, so far anyway.  I haven't gotten that far into it, the bodice (?) piece is finished, well close enough for how far the rest of it is. It has lace. Which makes it awesome. Normally, I don't wing things like this but I decided to just go with it and make something, and for winging it with no pattern to speak of, it's doing very well...it even has darts, even ones.  Done the "by the book" way, which is rare for me. Hell, cutting threads is weird for me too though.  Go figure.

Work was terrible as always, I want to quit but I don't have any other options open to me, employment wise.  He doesn't even pay me for all my hours. I wouldn't mind if I weren't getting shafted at every opportunity.  He's a terrible boss and business man, hypocritical, lack basic planning and scheduling abilities.  Oh and his nearly his entire business is illegal.

And I'm spent.

aranumenwen [userpic]

*sniffle*

September 8th, 2011 (07:08 pm)
drained

current mood: drained
current song: Suckerpunch-soundtrack

I need to get out of this house, and run far far away.  I'm allergic to something here. It's making me miserable. 
So I decide to fresh start my livejournal. 
As fabulous as it feels to have deactivated my facebook, I'm feeling out of the loop now. Sadness.  I'm also fighting the urge to start stalking random blog-a-majigs.  Or to start my own.  Yeah thats a terrible Idea. Although now that I think about it, thats pretty much what I'm doing now, except I feel that no one in their right mind would read this. 
I should be crafting.  I really should but I haven't had the motivation to make anything at all.  Depression, maybe.  Problem is now I'm depressed cause I'm so damn bored. I haven't made anything since....

And that was quite some time ago.  Couple of weeks maybe.  Ouch.  I did get sucked into digital painting stuff. 
In Order of appearance.Collapse )

I just wish I could say I was getting better....but I'm not...just decent.

My other wish...to get out of this terrible phunk.  Maybe its the drugs, or the lack there of even.  
I think I'll do some stenciling tonight, I was thinking about starting a hoodie project but...I don't have much fabric left, I have a bedsheet a table cloth and a thermal to work with....Fuck, lotsa notions, but not much otherwise. Payday is soon, but I don't know how much I'll be able to sacrifice towards my hobbies this week.  Devin and I are both screwed as far as money and his truck is in dire need of new brakes, but I guess it won't be this week or the next.

Also the Sandwich fair is this weekend into next week, planning on going but I don't know what the success rate will be.   


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